How I Stay Positive During A Crisis

We are in the middle of an international pandemic – the stock market is down, finances are uncertain, anyone can get seriously ill, the hospitals are not well stocked, the courts are not in session, and there is panic everywhere. The question that haunts me, as a hopeful adoptive single mother is, what does this mean for me now as a single woman who very much wants to become a mother by adoption. Is it safe to leave my house? Is it safe to cross state lines? How much more money should I spend? How much money will I have once I bring the baby home? When will I get my baby?

All these are legitimate questions, but they are also fueled by the fear and deprivation thoughts, which a songwriter I am a fan of once called the "Same Old Do Without".

To stay positive, I rely on my training as a therapist and healer, and on past experiences of personal crisis. How did I get myself out of those problems, out of that horrible feeling of dread, and fear that kept me stuck in pessimistic thoughts. It is said that fear is like praying for what you don’t want. How do you turn it around, and pray for what you want, and turn off your radar for problems that may never happen?

It is not always easy, but this is how I have been dealing with it lately. I hope that this helps you, deal with the uncertainties that we are all dealing with.

There is a voice in my head telling me that everything will be alright. I don't know where it came from, but it's there. I try to stay connected to that voice. I suspect it is my grandmother - we grew up with her. She took the bus from New York every weekend for a few years, to stay in a small apartment on the side of our home - just one room and an adjoining bathroom. It may be from my fourth grade teacher, Miss Prati (I am a longtime teacher's pet), or my favorite babysitter, Lorraine, who could make her eyebrows twitch magically.

I also write down a list of my fears and problems. I have done this since I was a teenager. I find that problems in my head seem so much bigger, more emotional and scarier. But when I write them down, they are just words on a page. My brain starts to work, and I can imagine a light at the end of the tunnel.

More recently, one month, I wrote each problem, the kind of problem that was keeping me up at night, on a piece of paper, and put it in a box. A few months later, I read the pieces of paper, and either I was past the problem, it wasn't troubling me anymore, or I had moved forward on the problem, or had moved on to another problem. I'm not saying this works for every problem, or every person, but it taught me that most of my fears will eventually fade, and the problems they attach to, eventually resolve in some way.

I also remember what most people who have adopted their children say they wish they had known throughout the process. That the right child will come to you eventually, as long as you stay in the process, even though you can’t predict when or how. If you have faith, are open to tweaking the things that you do that may not be working, you are bound to get what you want.

I hope that you all get what you want and what you need, and I hope that my essay was a little helpful to you.