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Mother’s Day is an emotionally tough holiday for most birth mothers, second only perhaps to our child’s birthday. Mother’s Day is a reminder that we are not parenting our children and don’t have the same type of contact and relationship with them that other mothers have. Oftentimes birth mothers are overlooked on Mother’s Day for a variety of reasons.
As an adoptive parent, you may be wondering if you should acknowledge your child’s birthmother on either Birthmother’s Day or Mother’s Day. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter which particular day you choose. Just choose one and acknowledge her in some way or form. As a birthmother, I can tell you that even the simplest of gestures mean the world to us. Now you are probably thinking, what should I do to honor my child’s birth mom? Big or small, it doesn’t even matter. Just do something! But here are a few ideas you might consider:
Photos of our child – If you already send photos regularly, you might think that sending more for Mother’s Day would be overkill. But I can assure you that most birth moms can never have too many photos of their child. You could do something special with the photos such as create or purchase a cute frame, frame a collage, put them in a scrapbook, or make a photo book.
Something our child made – I can’t express how things our child made, drew, colored, or wrote mean to us. You can plan ahead, get crafty, and make something special with your child for his or her birth mom. Check out Pinterest for Mother’s Day craft ideas and just adapt as needed to fit your child’s birth mom and adoption situation. For babies and toddlers, there are a ton of adorable craft projects that incorporate handprints and footprints.
Pamper your child’s birth mom – Since Mother’s Day is a time to pamper and celebrate mothers, another idea would be to pamper your child’s birth mom in some way. Purchase a gift certificate to a spa or nail salon in her area. Or if you’d prefer something more personal, put together a spa-type gift basket with things for a do-it-yourself spa night at home such as fingernail polish, bubble bath, mud masks, candles, etc.
You might also consider something simpler such as sending flowers, a card, or even a phone call (or have your child call, depending on his or her age). Again, it’s not important what you do. Just show her that she is loved and remembered in some way if your adoption situation allows for it.