403: Why an Adoptee's Truth Matters More than a Parent's Comfort

Why are truth and trust so important in adoptive families? In all families, really? Isn’t it OK sometimes to keep some things under wraps, for someone’s own good?

There's a philosophical paradox called sorites based on the idea that no grain of sand is a heap of sand, but over time, grains of sand become a heap of sand. The problem is that the moment of transition is not clear.

We can consider secrets this way. Specifically hard-to-tell parts of an adoption story, and the possibly unwelcome task of disclosing them. Of course, there is a time and a way to tell, but too often, somehow the day marked TELL never seems to arrive on the calendar, and this can create huge problems.

This interview features Brad Ewell and Fred Nicora, two men who have had to reassemble themselves after shocking truths became known to them well into their adulthood. Brad and Fred are known as LDAs, or Late Discovery Adoptees, and it’s important to understand the impact large breaches of trust have, because a small heap is still a heap. And we are still, as a culture, not super adept at knowing how to disclose and discuss hard parts about adoption.

Brad Ewell is a husband, father, writer, police officer, and late discovery adoptee. He made his adoption discovery in 2019 at 48 years old. He is in reunion with several members of his biological family and has been an advocate for his birth father's release from prison.

Fred Nicora has an undergraduate degree in business administration, and masters’ degrees in Management Technology, and Architecture, in addition to a lifetime secondary teaching license. Fred was the last in his family to know he had been adopted, when a relative accidentally spilled the beans when he was 41. Today, Fred is committed to bringing truth and transparency to the entire adoption process.

Show Notes

Brad on LavenderLuz.com: LavenderLuz.com/brad-ewell/

Brad on Instagram: @a_late_discovery.

Brad online: linktr.ee/LDA_BRAD

Fred on Facebook: facebook.com/fred.nicora

Fred on Instagram: @frednicora

Fred on LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/fred-nicora-4050857a/

Fred’s website: www.frednicora.com

Fred’s memoir: Forbidden Roots

Adoptees rights by state: Adoptee Rights Coalition

Is a Baby a Blank Slate? Adoptee & Therapist Lesli Johnson on ep 111

Adoptees-as-Therapists list: growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/

About this Podcast

Lori Holden (The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole) brings to you an array of articulate and thought-provoking guests with lived experience in adoption, each with valuable insights to share about the all-encompassing journey of parenting an adopted person from babyhood to toddlerhood to school age to teenage -- and ultimately to adulthood. Join us as we explore Adoption: The Long View.

Named a Top 25 Adoption Podcast